PUSH IT.

Monday, December 04, 2006

and when you just dont know how and where to start.
cause there're so many words going through your mind.
words like 'you knew it was coming,deb! you knew it. but you couldnt handle it. you're simply, so damn weak.'
but you cant explain.
cause you've been hit. right there. where you've been hit a thousand times before.

and suddenly, it doesnt make sense. this whole blooming thing.
cause you've been thinking, everytime you're alone, on that same bed. you dont wanna think bout that. cause you know it wont stop. it runs, from one scene, goes to another that is chained to another scene, and the next. and in those little scenes, strangely, there's always that same person.
realising, you then want to think about donald duck, so you'd be taken away by another type of chain of thoughts. but it doesnt happen, it just leads to the same damn scene, or rather, that same damn moment.
then you suddenly realise its a stupid, dumb, bloody thought that doesnt do anything else but hurt you.

and then, you start.

you close your eyes, and listen to metal, that takes you to a place where you can think, of simply nothing. cus you cant listen to God anymore, not least hear him, cause you've given up, cause he suddenly
doesnt
talk.

then you pretend you're the guitarist in the metal song, and you jam, and you jam, and jam and jam. and it feels so comfortably real, like your fingers are bleeding too, that looks exactly like the guitarist's. and though it hurts, you smile. cause your bleeding fingers dont hurt as much as your bleeding heart, or whatever that blooming organ is called. then, you laugh, and you laugh, you laugh so so hard, to get it off your chest, cause after all, they say laughter is the best medicine,
right?
but it doesnt work, so you hit yourself, just hit yourself against that wall of the room, that wall you've been staring at for so, so long.

and eventually, the lights seep in, blinding your half opened, squinting eyes.
and you cry so honestly, cause you realised you've just woken from a beautiful dream.

i waited from 9:15 PM